Never attempt to make a Bloody Mary yourself unless it's an emergency, and never order it anywhere that has crispy-coated mushrooms on the menu, with the possible exception of certain restaurants in the United States.

Stick five ice cubes, three fingers of vodka and at least half a pint of tomato juice into a shaker. Add the juice from half a gently squeezed lemon, three shakings of the Tobasco bottle, two dollops of Worcestershire sauce, one tiny teaspoon of horseradish, salt, pepper. Shake, pour into highball, add celery, and a couple of olives on a stick.

Serve with hangover, sunshine and the newspaper shortly before your first meal of the day, ideally no earlier than eleven.